This is where it started. It started with the diagnosis of several incurable chronic illnesses that threaten to shorten my life.
Then came fear.
Fear crept into our marriage and took hold. It spawned into disconnection, hurtful words, disrespect, sinful attitudes, becoming uncaring, forgetful, and bitter.
My husband and I have been struggling in our marriage for quite a while. I have become disrespectful, bitter, hurt, rude, and the list could go on and on. He became unloving, cold, distant, fearful, unmotivated, and the list could go on and on.
When illness threatens to take the life of a spouse in a shorter time than they were expecting, all sorts of unwanted feelings, thoughts, and actions can occur. Instead of being strong and supportive, there is fear and distance.
Think about it. The more distant you are from the situation that is so painful, the less it hurts when that time you feared comes.
My husband and I have figured out *why* we have been acting the way we have been, now we have to journey back to where God wants us…clinging to each other instead of running from each other.
I, myself, will be working on getting back in a right relationship with Christ. I feel a bit jaded and abandoned by Him (I know it’s not true) and despite the way I feel, I need to continue in my relationship with Him. I will also be working on my relationship with my husband. This will consist of showing him respect, being a good helpmeet, relearning how to show him love and respect without any motive other than doing it to please God. It doesn’t matter how my husband responds, it’s about being obedient to Him who has called me to do so.
This is going to be hard. We have been married 17 yrs and I have been sick 16 of those with recent new diagnoses and declination. I have a lot to work on in my heart. I am determined though. I would appreciate any prayers
We are talking about some FAQs that I get from a lot of wives who are just beginning this journey toward becoming godly, respectful, biblically submissive wives with peaceful and gentle spirits who do what is right and do not give way to fear and are very beautiful in God's sight.
- This seems like more than I can handle (part 1)
We have been doing a little vehicle shopping. I have not had a “real” vehicle for about 10 yrs. I have always needed to drive hoopties. So it’s been really fun trying to find the right vehicle. Well, sort of.
I am looking into a crossover because it is easier for me to get in and out of and more comfortable. I test drove a few that left my bottom and upper arms bruised. (and they were nice!) My body is just so fragile.
We think we have it narrowed down to a few and hopefully get it settled out this weekend.
How about you? What has your car shopping experience been like?
I want to reach those that are chronically ill that do not have much support. It is hard to deal with an illness that bears no cure and have to live with the rest of your life. I myself suffer from MANY chronic diseases and know how it feels to have little support. Things like cancer get a lot of exposure and support and those with chronic illnesses seem to be forgotten. There is no hope for a cure and they/we have to live with these illnesses and their effects the rest of our lives. It can be very difficult to endure knowing it never ends this side of glory.
That being said, I am on a mission to spread cheer to those who are chronically ill and need a little sunshine in their day. I have created a website for people to submit names and addresses of those that need some cheering, whether it be for yourself for a loved one.
So far I have been able to send cheer to 27 people from all over the US, UK, and Australia. It’s been such a blessing to me to do!
If you or someone you know needs some cheer, please click the link, visit my website, and submit their name.
I pray you all have a blessed day!
A lot has happened in the 2 months or so that I have been gone. My intention was to close the blog and focus on my family. I attempted to close the blog, but because I had upgraded it, it would not let me…(God thing?) So, I just put it on “private” for the last two months.
These last two months have been focused on family and learning to deal with yet another scary diagnosis. Since I have been gone I have been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. This makes a TON of sense as to the rest of my other diagnoses. They were all puzzle pieces that fit the puzzle of EDS. I am a zebra! Well, I will explain that some other time. There is no cure for this and it is a chronic debilitating illness. I have had some heart issues and was started on a heart med called Cardizem. It has helped keep my tachycardia and chest pain under control, but my palpitations are still bothersome. I have slight mitral and tricuspid valve regurgitation and mild mitral valve prolapse of the anterior leaflet. My EKG’s continue to come back abnormal. I am also in an inflammatory arthritis flare at the moment. I have it in my right foot which makes walking difficult. I have had to be in my wheelchair a ton. The previous flare in that foot that is still going has been going on since January (10 mos). This flare is in another part of the foot. Yeouch.
My 16 yr old son got a job at Best Buy. His favorite place since he was little. He is working in the computer and tablet area and started out making more than minimum wage. He is very excited and loves it. What a great job for a teenager!
My husband will be getting laid off here soon for the winter from roofing. He will have surgery at the end of the month for a hernia repair. Please pray for that. I hope I can help him in his recovery. I have gotten weaker with the heart medication as it exacerbates my myasthenia gravis. Oye.
We started burning in our woodstove as it has gotten quite chilly. Enjoying having smores Our major family time is coming as we get all winter with Ryan.
So needless to say, I am feeling my way through how to be a productive helpmeet and heartbeat of the home while struggling with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, heart issues, inflammatory arthritis, myasthenia gravis, and all the other diagnoses that go along with all that such as raynaud’s, GI issues, fibromyalgia, etc.
I will update again about what has transpired with my chronic pain that I suffer with. For now, I will let you go with this.
This is an email from a precious friend of mine. If your husband is saying things like this - it means he is probably feeling deeply wounded in your marriage. Please keep in mind that husbands need respect like wives need love. (Ephesians 5:22-33 and Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs).
If a husband does not feel respected, he cannot feel loved…
I took some unexpected time off blogging after celebrating our son’s 16th birthday. We went to Chicago and I was unexpectedly overwhelmed, anxious, and frazzled from it. I am not a fan of big cities at all, but I can usually handle the stress. Not so much this time. The traffic, noise, and smells just sent me over the edge.
I took some time to rest and reflect. I had to use my wheelchair the whole time and realized that I didn’t want to be in that thing permanently if I could help it. I set out to see what I could do.
August 8th, I had switched up my eating habits. I started eating a raw vegan breakfast and lunch and then just ate a normal cooked supper that was clean/paleo. I felt a bit better digestion wise and was hopeful about that. So far, my digestion has been great and things are starting to function properly again after being on chemo shots for 2 mos that damaged them.
I was still in a ton of pain though. I could hardly take a step without wincing in pain. I was very short of breath, losing weight, lightheaded, exhausted, had stomach pain, nausea, etc. While on vacation, I decided to try to go the weekend without meat. I kept my raw vegan breakfast and lunch, but ate a cooked vegetarian supper instead of one with meat. On the 2nd day, I was amazed that I started to feel more alert and not as tired. I decided to keep going.
After 5 days, I was able to get up in the morning and walk down the hall with considerably LESS pain! I was shocked. I was able to STOP taking my pain meds. I felt energetic, awake, alive, happier, etc.
I continued for 9 days like that and then decided to eat a homemade all natural brat for supper. Oh boy…
I had heartburn (I never get heartburn), stomach pain, etc. The next morning, I woke up with a ton of joint pain, body aches, headache, lethargy, and still stomach pain. I had my answer!
Meat for whatever reason, bothers me. Even good clean grass fed meat. After a couple days back on my raw vegan/vegetarian eating, I went back to feeling less pain, awake, energetic, etc. I am still amazed.
I am so thankful to God for allowing me to discover this. I have/had tired EVERYTHING else I could. I am essentially out of treatment options. But, now I have a new treatment. It is what I eat and don’t eat. It’s hard having to give up some tasty things, but by golly it is worth it to have less pain that doesn’t require a pain pill. If I do have some pain on occasion, it is bettered by simple ibuprofen.
Oh and my heart issues have gotten better. I can breathe, not short of breath, less chest heaviness and pain, and less palpitations. Also, I am up to 104 lbs and holding steady!
Anyway, I hope to be back blogging more now that I am feeling better. I still have health issues to work through and have several appts for the rest of the year (Oct and Nov), but I am hopeful now that maybe, just maybe my life will no longer be a short as the docs think
Our son turns 16 on Sept 3rd! We are heading up to Chicago for his birthday. We will visit Shedd’s Aquarium and The Museum of Science and Industry while we are there. This is a much needed rest. We are hoping the hot tub isn’t full at the hotel!
I also went in for a full body bone scan yesterday. I should get results soon. My last bone scan was 18 mos ago and showed arthritis in my feet, ankles, knees and spine. I also have arthritis in my SI joints. I’m only 37! Sheesh. The pain has been off the charts and I have recently had some cognitive issues. That scares me.
I keep saying Isaiah 12:2 in my head…”I will trust and not be afraid…”
Gearing up for homeschool that starts after vacation. I am looking forward to this year. Last year was his Freshman year and he got 10 A’s and 2 B’s and ended with a 3.8 GPA. So posting may be less.
I am extremely exhausted and so I am going to go rest. Heart issues and no energy = rough days…
(Taken from Streams in the Desert)
“This thing is from me” (1 Kings 12:24).
“Life’s disappointments are veiled love’s appointments.” –Rev. C. A. Fox
My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short, only five words, but let them sink into your inmost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head. This thing is from Me.
Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you concerns Me too? For, “he that toucheth you, toucheth the apple of mine eye” (Zech. 2:8). You are very precious in My sight. (Isa. 43:4) Therefore, it is My special delight to educate you.
I would have you learn when temptations assail you, and the “enemy comes in like a flood,” that this thing is from Me, that your weakness needs My might, and your safety lies in letting Me fight for you.
Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, who never consult your taste, who put you in the background? This thing is from Me. I am the God of circumstances. Thou camest not to thy place by accident, it is the very place God meant for thee.
Have you not asked to be made humble? See then, I have placed you in the very school where this lesson is taught; your surroundings and companions are only working out My will.
Are you in money difficulties? Is it hard to make both ends meet? This thing is from Me, for I am your purse-bearer and would have you draw from and depend upon Me. My supplies are limitless (Phil.4:19). I would have you prove my promises. Let it not be said of you, “In this thing ye did not believe the Lord your God” (Deut. 1:32).
Are you passing through a night of sorrow? This thing is from Me. I am the Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief. I have let earthly comforters fail you, that by turning to Me you may obtain everlasting consolation (2 Thess. 2:16, 17). Have you longed to do some great work for Me and instead have been laid aside on a bed of pain and weakness? This thing is from Me. I could not get your attention in your busy days and I want to teach you some of my deepest lessons. “They also serve who only stand and wait.” Some of My greatest workers are those shut out from active service, that they may learn to wield the weapon of all–prayer.
I am starting a new devotion called Wife After God by Jennifer Smith. This is a picture of the cover…
I am really excited to start this. I started reading the bible in a year with a chronological layout and I am enjoying that. But, this will be great because it gets me in the word and also closer to my husband and that is a wonderful thing! Amen?
Health wise, eating living foods 75% of the time and my digestion is wonderful. No more stomach pain, discomfort, or intestinal issues. My pain levels however are awful. I am so glad I found something that works to treat my digestive issues, but was hoping it would help some with the pain. Unfortunately, the two days I had that were less pain must have been a fluke :/ But, I am glad that I have been able to fix at least one thing that’s wrong with me.
I will also be going in for a bone scan soon and then back down to St. Louis Barnes Hospital for a follow up visit. I also see my cardiologist in November for my heart check up and see how my aortic root ectasia is doing.
I apologize for the lack of posts and it may be that way for a awhile as I try to get my pain under control again and as I dig into the Word. Homeschooling will start up again soon, too, so I will definitely be busy.
Thanks for sticking around thus far. You all are great!